so i am at work feeling like shit because i have to do this stupid thing that doesnt make sense yet i know its easy and the more i cant do it the more it is stressing me out so i just wanna cry and then i think of everything that has happened in the last year and how crap its been and how rubbish my life is. so pretty much feeling sorry for myself right now! i am so hungry my stomach hurts and work have just moved me desk wise and im sitting oppisite the venda! not good! so yesterday i had 324 cals but burnt of 300 so only had 24cals i s'pose but still not happy with that.
feel sick and faint and my stomach is killing me today! and i dont want to be here (work) just gen feel like going home and crying myself to sleep for about 10years or something! i have been up since 3.30am (UK time) because 1. i couldnt sleep and 2. i get up at 4.30 for work so there was no point lying there making myself sleep. does anyone else feel like there is no point anymore like all the time because i do, all that goes through my head is cals, food, thin and how sucky my life is! im so fed up and feel so lonely yet i am sat on a floor with 300 other people around and i know them all but they dont know me no one truly knows me not anymore
Feeling really down today, I don’t want to be here (work) I don’t want to be at home, I hate it on my own, I don’t want to be in this country even, I don’t even know what I want anymore, I was fine first thing this morning and since then I don’t know what happened but it all went down hill. I am meant to be reading this document for work but I can’t get my head around it which is stupid I worked on the project for ages! And now looking at the documents for it doesn’t make sense, I haven’t got the energy to go to the gym. Nothing feels worth it at the moment I don’t seem to be losing either.All I have to look forward too is a weekend indoors all on my own watching the rubbish on tv and for what? To get on the scales and see I am still as big as a house STILL
So after all the crap with my bf going i still feel like rubbish but decided there might be some plus's after all i can work out as much as i want as there is no one ever at mine, i brought a new pair of scales as i now live on my own which means i have twice as much to pay for bills and things so i have to cut back on some things which means i dont have to/cant buy food anymore! and i wont have anyone yelling at me about eating now all my family are miles away. so there are some plus' but the problem is i miss him but i got to look on the bright side this gives me more time to concentrate on losing my wieght. hope you are all ok. xxxx
so i feel as though i havent been online for like forever even though it is like 2weeks, well tons has happened, it was my 20th bday last week and everyone forgot my mum, my dad all my family and then my b/f came home with a pressie (2days later) and it was a set of scales! he said he thought he would leave me with one bday pressie that i will love seeing as scales mean more to me then him, i mean yes i was angry with him i mean he forgot my birthday! i didnt get a single card on my birthday! but then he said he has been seeing someone else and that i was a fool for not even noticing because he made it so obv he said i am so wrapped up in my weight and everything i eat that i didnt even notice and he left, i saw him the next day walking down our town with this blonde girl who is like 20lbs lighter than me, so instead of fasting or exercising i binged for two days! on ice cream and choc i put on 9lbs! gross i know. so i feel like complete crap! not only does he go for someone pretty she was skinnier as well, so now i need to concentrate on getting those 9lbs back off! how come you can put so much on it such a short time yet it takes you like forever to get it back off! So am working twice as hard as i ever have before, i am fasting till Monday (hopefully) running up and down the stairs and going for runs before work and after. i just hope it all works love and support to all xx
hi everyone sorry i have not been on for a while been really busy at work which is good because it has kept my mind completely off food and was a perfect excuse not to go for lunch, the even better news is i have lost 6lb in the last 5days!!!! and with end of year coming at work i will be rushed off my feet until DECEMBER! on the minus side is then i have to cope with xmas which i hate! hoping my b/f will go and visit family and i will be "sick" so that i dont have to go or eat (i know prob a lil to early to be thinking about but i have to start planning now!) so anyway i am really happy at the minute and of to Spain on Saturday! but due to work problems my b/f now cant come which is sad as we havent spent much time together and its my birthday while i am out there but it also means i dont have to eat! (its a family villa) so i can exercise all i want lay in the sun and not worry about food or anything! am really looking forward. how is everyone getting on i wanna here some of your stories!?! love to all you girlies your amazing xxxx
I am so depressed, me and my boyfriend have done nothing but argue about food, i have taken all the mirrors away in the house but i can still see the fat im so sick of it i just wanna rip it all off me i cant see the point in getting up in the morning anymore, i used to love my job but now its just a war zone to be avoided, their lifes are all about food, in the morning they come in with bacon rolls not realising the amount of calories in it, then everyone goes out for lunch for burgers, if you dont go you are considered an outsider or anti people i hate it here, the worse bit is they do not realise that the food is taking over their life within months they will be huge and yet they dont seem to care inless the dont realise at all, i dont understand how someone can eat all the chocs they bring back from holidays or the donuts they buy on birthdays and yet they still continue to gorge themselves on all this fatty food or high calorie they dont understand and they consider i am werid. i dont understand people maybe i just dont belong in this world.
hi all hope your going strong? i havent been on here for a few days i have had to be really carefull with the other half but good news i am going away this weekend with a friend i havent seen in 3years, wish i could have lost another few pounds before i go but she isnt a big eater and whenever i used to spend time with her we always skipped meals so hopefully this wont be my downfall! only problem is im going to my grans for a family thing on the weekend and that includes lunch! hoping i can say trains are down and turn up late and get away with saying i had something at the station fingers crossed! flying to spain on Monday so hope you all have a good week.